During a similar discussion with my wife, Kim, she read this quote from SA's "Thoughts and Aphorisms." It spoke powerfully to me then and may be relevant to share here. I marvel at how he integrates these apparent paradoxes:

131. "Because God has willed and foreseen everything, thou shouldst not therefore sit inactive and wait upon His providence, for thy action is one of His chief effective forces. Up then and be doing, not with egoism, but as the cirucumstance, instrument and apparent cause of the event that He has predetermined." - Sri Aurobindo